Monday, February 15, 2010

A skiing downer


Day two in the French Alps and in theory I couldn't be happier. We've actually done it. Gone skiing. Not only that but the snow is great and the blue skies almost touchable from the mountain peaks. Plus thus far I have survived with both knees intact despite somehow both starting and ending my first day on a black run. Or just about.

And yet. And yet. This will sound utterly bonkers to anyone who has endured me moaning about the lack of snow in my life the past three years but, whisper it, I really didn't enjoy myself. Sure, the days had their moments. Like when my phone rang at lunchtime on day one as I was about to tackle a bumpy black and it was the nanny telling me that Louis was doing fine and "an absolute pleasure to look after". And I coped with the slope. Not to mention that feeling of catching some high altitude rays in the middle of what has to be the longest winter ever.

But for the rest of the time I honestly felt wretched. Utterly wretched that here we were, on holiday, and we'd opted to dump Louis with a total stranger so that we could head up a mountain without him. Sure, we'd watched him settle in and there was no way I'd have left him if he'd been crying. (Unlike plenty of other parents using the creche.) And I knew the nannies would be keeping him busy. After all, there was sledging to do and a snow park to explore. Not to mention feet painting and cookie baking to come.

Yet that didn't change the fact that for all the stimulation, I knew Louis would have been happier spending the day doing chores with me than a day without me. Especially on a so-called family holiday. I just couldn't get the knots to leave my stomach or the echoes of "Mummy toys" out of my head. Even if I managed to forget about him briefly while negotiating the way down, there was always that long chair back up again to dwell. Even the fact that we'd started both days late and finished early - well, for us, at least: normally I'm fanatical about getting the first and last lifts - didn't help.

What to do? Except hope that the guilt will dissipate as the week wears on. Who knows: by day six I might even manage to enjoy myself.

12 comments:

danyulo said...

ohhhh... your blog post was soo honest and I could not read without going "ohhhh......" I haven't done it yet, so I don't know how I feel about leaving Yoppy, but probably feeling very similar to you. I hope you will enjoy it though! You deserve a (almost) guilt free skiing holiday!! Enjoy!! Sonokox

danyulo said...

And I love the Froggy Louis in the French Mountains! Super gorgeous xxx

Iota said...

I'll be interested to see how you feel by the end of the week.

Babies who brunch said...

Thank you Sonoko!! He still adores the Froggy hat.

And Iota... will report back.

angelsandurchinsblog said...

The guilt does go. Not that you miss them any less, but you just enjoy the other stuff you're doing more. So hope the excitement of whizzing down black runs starts to make up for the pain of being away - the snow looks amazing.

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

I find that I start to really enjoy myself fairly quickly... especially skiing. I love that adreneline feeling, something that is so lacking in my day to day life. It makes me feel really alive. And then I love to rush back to my little uns and love that they are alive too.

Great post - really sums it up well. x

Mrs. said...

love the honesty! enjoy as best you can.

-dawn

Heather said...

oh no! i hope you manage to enjoy yourself!

Babies who brunch said...

Thank you Brit in B.

And Angels and Urchins - the snow was amazing.... I did start to try really hard to enjoy it more! It took a lesson to focus my mind away from Louis.

Mrs: I was worried the honesty would just be construed as whinging! Thanks though!

And Heather: thanks! After all, it would have been a waste not to enjoy it a little bit....

Babies who brunch said...
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Hot Cross Mum said...

Very honest of you. I hope you get to enjoy the holiday - maybe in hindsight having this time to yourself won't seem so bad. I don;t really know what else to say as I know how rubbish I am at enjoying myself when I even leave the boys for an afternoon!

Metropolitan Mum said...

The only reason why little L is not spending time in the creche is because she's so zonked out by the heat, she's napping for about four hours a day. Thus Big M and I get some time for ourselves, which is equally important for a happy baby.
Don't beat yourself up. Happy mummy + happy daddy = happy family = happy baby.